A Thousand Times Over

For most of the week, the nurses and nannies that work in the nurseries have reflected on Kervens life and his death.

We have experienced the ebb and flow of guilt and grief, anger, doubt and despair. Sandia. Edna Kervens. Three precious lives so hard fought for, and lost. It is hard to bear. Our latest loss is a painful lesson, we all agreed. We wished we had kept Kervens here longer.....

Days before Kervens died, a colleague directed me to be alert for the presence of God. I am going to be completely honest with with you: there were days last week, that I did not feel God's presence. I wondered what we had achieved upstairs in the nurseries. We had nothing to show for our efforts, it seemed, and no hope to offer these babies.

Mid-week, the despair receded and a wave of thanksgiving washed over me. Our God did not doubt the product of our work here, and the hope he whispered, was without question.

[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:7).

He knew from the outset that Kervens would die. He wanted him to know before he left this world, that he was worth fighting for. And loved.

As Edna's life faded away, I communicated to her the best way I could, that she was going home. I couldn't do that for Kervens. I hope it isn't too naive or sentimental of me to believe that as he made his last earthly journey up the mountain to GLA on the morning of the day that he died, he knew that he was returning to us and that everything was going to be ok.

God knew the outcome at the outset. I am glad I did not, but if he calls us to love a thousand babies into his arms, I will do it a thousand times over.