Ordinary Wonders

When Kerven's was first admitted, his body was rigid. His limbs were so stiff that his legs 'scissored' at the knees. After a few days of treatment, the electrolytes in his blood normalized. Still, his muscles remained extremely tight.

He had a poor appetite, he was not digesting his feeds well and he was irritable and difficult to console. When he was not crying and writhing, he would slip into an exhausted sleep. The tension was clearly evident on his taut, bony face.

We soothed him as best we could and we prayed that he would receive God's healing and his peace. With gentle care, encouragement and good nutrition, Kervens began to relax. It took time and patience, but he did become more settled and alert. He began to suck better and his weight increased.

Now, holding him nestled in my arms, and hearing him coo, I am filled with wonder. It is a very normal thing, to cuddle a baby, and to hear them coo but it always feels special. This week though, I appreciate the beauty of everyday wonders in a new way. Just a short time ago, Kervens was anxious and fretful, and so highly stressed that he 'constricted', and became tense inside and out. Now he is contented and happy, and I am experiencing all of his baby behaviour, and the world he is awakening to, as a phenomenon, just as Kervens is.

Dream and Memory

As the the dawn broke and my fretful sleep lightened, a spirit glided into my dreams and with it, a sense of dread. She was alone. Her expression completely void. She was not quite solid, and she was utterly unaware of me, or the buzzing travelers at the train station of my dream world. Why was her baby not with her? My chest was taught. An ache settled there. 'Dear God, you promise your plans are to prosper and not to harm...'

...And then I woke suddenly, with the whisper of that unfinished prayer, still on my lips.

Yesterday afternoon, Peterson returned home into the care of his Mother. She does not want him, but she wont give him up. Peterson was referred to the orphanage for medical assistance last spring. His Mother left in October, telling us that she knew her son would not survive at home, with her, and that she wanted to give him up for adoption. She never did sign the papers that would have provided the authority to seek an adoptive family for Peterson.

I counselled Peterson's Mother thoroughly before she left with her son. He needs daily medicines, that are provided free of charge by a government clinic, close to her home. She must take Peterson there on a monthly basis. If she does not, he will become very sick again. Then, he will die.

Peterson is returning to a volatile family situation. Everyone here knows that he is unlikely to receive his medicines at home, and there isn't a thing we can do about that. The truth is, that thousands upon thousands of Peterson's live and die in Haiti. There is no legal recourse, here, for abused or neglected children.

Here, we prepare children to join loving homes, either in Haiti or overseas. We are not accustomed to waving off the Peterson's of Haiti. No, not to that. They - the Peterson's, raise all kinds of questions about God and suffering.'For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.'(Job 4:18). There are no easy answers to these questions.

Yesterday, I smiled at Peterson and congratulated the fat, beautiful baby, telling him he was returning to his home stronger, far stronger than he had left it. I doubted he was strong enough: I couldn't let Peterson see that.

Sending him home is the only choice that was open to us. I know that we made the right choices, until there were no more choices left to make, and I suspect that just as last night's dream lingers with me, so will the memory of the last time I saw Peterson;

As I step away, he reaches for me. There is a high five, a wave, a kiss blown to him, another returned to me. He laughs his throaty laugh, his eyes round, and shining, his trust absolute and unquestioning.

Under God's Heaven

The Haitian administrator's assistant was taking down the family's details in the reception area of God's Littlest Angels orphanage. One twin sat fat and contented in her Mother's lap. The other, even fatter, gazed up at me sleepily, cradled in her Fathers arms. Mentally, I took in the girls pristine, blue dresses, glowing skin, thick, black hair, and shining eyes. They were obviously well cared for. I wondered why their parents had brought them here.

Upstairs in the nursery, the nannies gleefully filled me in. 'The girls are not twins, they have a triplet brother, who died,' one nanny began.' I know that when I heard that, my expression mirrored the sorrow I felt for the girls. Isn't there something deeply affecting, about the loss of their sibling, who was conceived with them, and who shared their mother's womb with them them?

The mother has been pregnant six times.....five times with twins, and one time with triplets!' one lady added mirthfully!' And I barely, just barely, concealed my shock! I am not sure I believe it. Do you?

'The work of a demon!' someone exclaimed, slapping her thigh. It was a revealing comment, that spoke volumes about Haitian spirituality.

A missionary to Haiti, once said that this country is 90% Catholic and 100% Voodoo. Voodoo spiritual beliefs are certainly extrememly prevalant here. Twins are viewed as a blessing and a novelty in western cultures. We believe that they share a deep and unique spiritual bond, ties that are never broken. In resource poor countries, though, the birth of twins means not one, but two extra mouths to feed, and for the poorest families, this is more a burden than it is a blessing. Their voodoo religion teaches that the spiritual bond between twins is a negative force, underpinned by jealousy, rivalry and malevolence.

I recalled earlier discussions with the nannies. One has a set of twin girls. She beat her five year old daughters with a stick one day, the ladies told me. The next morning, the Mama's fingers swole so badly, that she could not use her hands. She apologised to the girls, and the swelling went down. Twins, I was told, had magical powers, and they could be truly wicked! If you punish twins, you have to apologise afterwards, otherwise there is no saying what they will do to you!

You also have to be careful, very careful to treat twins equally, the nannies told me. Ignite the flame of jealousy between them and it is inevitable that one twin will be seriously harmed by the other. The hopeful thing about this discussion, is that unlike their voodoo counterparts, the nannies here believe that the tensions between twins can and should be managed. That twins should be loved equally, treated fairly, and given the same chances in life. Those who hold tight to voodoo teachings, by contrast, believe that the curse that the birth of twins heralds, can only be broken by the death of one of the twins. They see this as profitable, not just to the surviving twin, but to the family and community, who will no longer be at the mercy of the twins' supernatural powers.

It is not unusual at GLA, when twins are admitted, to see massive disparities between them. Often. one is fat and thriving, and the other, smaller, frailer, weaker. Their families have favoured one infant over them other. They do not have the means to care for two babies. Anyway, it is natural, they believe, that one twin will dominate the other. They do not believe there is anything that they can or should do to prevent one twin, from draining the life-force of the other.

Guerdine, and Guerline, at 8 months old are very different, both physically and in personality. Guerdine is two pounds lighter than her sister. She is small but she is strong-willed, demanding and developmentally, more advanced. Guerline is chubbier, contented and has a very sweet disposition. I am happy to say, that both are fat and thriving. My heart was brimming with joy and gratitude for our newest arrivals, as the nannies and I agreed that yes, the girls were very different, but wasn't there space for all kinds of people, under God's heaven.

All the way from their birth family, through their life at GLA and into the fold of their adoptive family, they will carry with them a wonderful heritage of love. This love transcends a culture that holds very negative views about twins. As such, this love is treasure.

Pray For A Smile

Kervens is making steady progress. He has gained over a pound since he arrived, but he still has a long way to go.

He is my miracle baby. It was by God's mercy that Kervens made it to GLA, just in time. I am filled with gratitude to the God who answered my prayers, and gave me the wisdom I needed to keep Kervens alive during the days that he was critically ill, and on the brink of death.

Two weeks ago today, Kervens arrived at GLA. The feeding tube is out now, and he no longer needs oxygen to help him breathe, or an incubator to keep him warm. We are beyond the critical period, and hope to see rapid weight gain, while we continue to correct his electrolyte and nutrient imbalances.

Kervens remains weak. He does not suck well from a bottle and his legs are stiff. Pray for improvements in these areas, and pray for a smile. This child has suffered more in his three months on this earth than any baby ever should. A smile will signify spiritual healing. It will be evidence of the oil of joy, where mourning might have been.

The Riches of the Poor

'Petite se riches melere'
'Children are the riches of the poor' (Haitian proverb)

On Saturday night, in a near-desert area, north of Port-au-Prince, an expectant Mother spiked a high fever. On Sunday, when her stomach was seized by gripping pains, her heart was overcome with dread. Please, Lord, not again.

Erikson, was born 10 weeks prematurely in Cazale. He is is Mother's 4th child. The children who came before him all died in the days after they were born, or were miscarried in late pregnancy.

Erikson was born yesterday, desperately ill. We treated him in GLA's NICU for pneumonia and suspected meningitis. He was in a lot of pain.

I was up all night stabilising Erikson. He was on CPAP and was given high doses of IV antibiotics. He was also treated for seizures .

As I was typing up this post, I was called to the NICU. Erikson had stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated.

His Mother is a Christian lady. She has suffered tremendous loss, three times over, and yet, her trust in the Lord, and by extension, her trust in the GLA nursing staff, is absolute.

I cried out to God for mercy. I wanted to be able to send this mother home with treasure in her arms, a precious baby baby, strong and healthy. Her inheritance from the Lord.

Erikson died tonight. His devastated Mother will leave GLA with nothing but our prayers.

An Update on Kervens

By Tuesday morning, Kervens was receiving very small feeds of breast-milk, He was having difficulty keeping keeping his blood sugar up and and his heart rate was slow and irregular. These can be ominous signs. Often, the are are herald s of death in severely malnourished children. Yet I felt absolutely no sense of panic.

Kerven's body had been rigid and unconscious just 12 hours before, and now, his tiny fists had unclenched and his limbs were relaxed. It felt as miraculous as it was beautiful.

We continued to add extra sugar and electrolytes to Kervens feeds, to replenish those that his body lacked. Over the course of the day, the twig-limbed, elfin baby became increasingly more stable. By 5pm, he was alert, awake and moving around in his incubator. He was digesting his breast milk.

Soon, he was crying ever hour for feeds. It was wonderful to see signs of hunger: this told us that Kervens damaged organs were processing the nutrients in his milk and his body was healing.

He has gained 10 ounces in 3 days. Please continue to pray. He is severely anemic and he has a congenital malformation that affects his chest wall and causes breathing difficulties. The next 10 days will be critical for him. For now, I have a perfect peace that comes from knowing that we are doing all we can. The rest is up to God.

'Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them' (Psalm 139:16)

The Oil of Joy.

Kevens is 3 months old. He weighs 4lb 2oz. He is severely malnourished, and completely emaciated, with jutting bones, a concave chest and skin that hangs like an oversized suit from his shrunken frame.

He and his mother were referred to GLA for medical assistance, by a Catholic mission Hospital in Cite Soleil. Kervens has pneumonia on both lungs. Last night he was cold, and his heart rate kept dropping. His tiny body was stiff, and he was drifting in and out of consciousness. I didn't expect that he would surive to see another day.

By some miracle, Kervens opened his eyes this morning, and his gaze fixed on mine...........

We have stabalised this tiny boy, and are very carefully managing his care, so as not to overwhelm his delicate organs. Please pray for him,

.....'beauty for ashes,

the oil of joy for mourning'... (Isaiah 61:3)