Francisca died in the early hours of Monday morning. She had, what I think was a severe septicaemia. Her last 10 hours were the fight of her life, a struggle, all the way to death. The Haitian staff say, if only Francisca's mother sought pre-natal care sooner.... I say, maybe if the baby had received different antibiotics....
Tania followed Francisca in death last night. In the first photographs we took of Tania, her lips were blood red, cracked and bleeding. As she became better hydrated, they healed, leaving underneath the scab, a horrifying, unatural pallor. Tania was profoundly anaemic, and died before we could obtain donor blood for her. If only we had gotten it in time. If only......
Over and over, babies pass away. I am sure that these defeats are etched into my face. Time and again, jagged breath fades, colour drains, fists uncurl, and the weight in my arms becomes emptiness. Shoulders sag, and eyes dull. Even so, we go on. We owe it to the next child, and the child after that. I long for them.
Francisca might have lived had we had a drug that would neutralize the acid in her blood. Tania might have lived had she received a blood transfusion in time. We will be taking steps to make sure that both of these things are available to the next infants that are entrusted into our care. Though the dying takes it's toll, for love of life, we have to move forward.
Friday 4 February 2011
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4 comments:
Oh Susan, I am sorry to hear about both of these little angels. Know that I am praying for you and all who cared for them and fought so hard to keep them alive. Sending my love and encouragement your way xoxo
Susan, my heart aches for you, for all at GLA who battled for the lives of these dear babies and for their birth families who loved them enough to seek help. May Jesus bind up your broken hearts and give you grace enough to do the next thing.
Chris in Ohio
I have been following your blog for the past year. Our daughter and husband have adopted siblings from Haiti, your blog is on hers(sea salt mosaic). I worked in a nicu for 15 years and cried over infant losses there, but I cry more and harder when I read your stories, cpap and ventilators were routine. You tell of things I have never seen or heard of. Just want you to know you are prayed for, the little ones, and all whose lives you touch.Lucy Theo
You are truly doing God's work. I know it must be so exhausting and you are too tired to blog. Only if it is two sentences....you need the stress relief that it provides. God Bless You
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